Vegetarian Chili

Alright mes amis. Not everything I make is vegetarian. It’s just that mostly, it is, because mostly, what I like to eat is vegetables, I guess? It’s not really an ethical thing, ok, except that once this schmuck I was dating made me watch this PETA video at the end of a Morrissey concert video. Ick.  No, it was totally cool though, it just meant eating a tofurkey for thanksgiving. Ick.

Ok, that said, here is a recipe for vegetarian chili, which, while not as good as a big bowl of Dinglewood chili dumped on a scrambled dog (yeah you columbus folk know what I’m talking about), is pretty good.

1. Chop up: an onion, a green bell pepper, and, a squash of your choice depending on the season. I used a zucchini for this one. Put a garlic through your garlic press, or, if you don’t  have one, mince.

2. Heat oil in a large, heavy skillet (I use my cast iron) . Throw in the onion and green bell peppers, let them get soft for five minutes. Then stir in a tablespoon each of cumin and coriander, two teaspoons of chili powder, and a pinch of mustard. Then, add the zucchini. Then, if you are really adventurous, which I am, throw in a packet of frozen Boca beef crumbles. OR, if you really, really need meat, I guess you could add beef, though I’d recommend that after the onion and before the bell pepper.

3. Meanwhile, cut up either a 28 ounce can of tomatoes, or peel and cut up three or four medium sized tomatoes. Throw those in a soup pot along with two cans of your favorite beans. I used white and kidney. you can use whatever you want. Except garbanzos. That might be kind of weird.

4. After everything in your other pot has gotten good and soft, empty it into the soup pot. Let that simmer for like ten minutes.

5. Ok! Almost done! Now, just serve it with cilantro, cheese, and/or sour cream. Because I am a fatty, I used all. ALL!

Ok. So make that. And THEN, go see this movie.

It’s very dark, but very, very good.

It’s about a girl trying to track down her meth cooking pop who may or may not be dead, but who certainly put the house up as collateral for his bond. She’s got a whacked out mom and two kid siblings. I want to read the book, which is by Daniel Woodrell, who visited our workshop a few years ago, and who was a really nice guy and a really good workshop leader.

Ok, so you’ve made chili, you’ve watched Winter’s Bone, and now, you will make this artichoke dip from The Pioneer Woman. I had some last night, with this wonderful bread that Amanda had made for me. I wish I’d taken a picture, but it was so good that I literally just inhaled the whole thing.

D’accord. C’est tout pour maintenant.

Tortilla Soup

Sometimes, things, people, the world, just conspire to suck. (If only my vacuum cleaner would join in that conspiracy. It, alas, does not suck. Bad pun. I know. Deal).

That’s where I am right now. Suck suck suck, suckity suck, suck.

It’s ok. It’ll get better. Im getting busy, re-learning French, working on a Fulbright application, working on short stories, working on a syllabus (ok, that part isn’t making it any better…gr…. who wants to do work. Except for that getting paid part)

Tonight is just a slump. Despite the fact that I spent the afternoon at the Carolina Moonshine Festival. Which actually, was great. I toured a still, had some moonshine, ate a quality fried fish sandwich, heard some music. Great. Great. Great.

But Sunday nights suck. They just suck.

So, to make it suck less, I made some Tortilla Soup. Which, every time I make it, I think of the time Momma accidentally burned herself (ouch, real bad) and my friend’s grandmother, the wonderful Gan, brought over some tortilla soup. Which was great, but only half as great as Gan’s southern pronunciation of tortilla. She has one of the greatest accents I’ve ever heard.

So I made some tonight. Easy.

1. Get your cast iron skillet. Throw in a pepper (I used jalapeno, pablano might be good, too), and two cloves of garlic. Do not peel! Roast for 15 minutes, until your garlic looks brown and your pepper has one of those big black bruises on its side.

2. Peel the garlic, chop the top off the pepper, and put them in a food processer. Pulse. Then, add a can of whole tomatoes, drain, and puree for like, five seconds.

3. Thinly slice half an onion, throw it in your soup pot, and brown on medium high. Then, add the tomato mixture. Let that get thick for about five minutes.

4. Add three cups of chicken broth or stock. Simmer for 15 minutes.

5. Meanwhile, you are making your own chips. You could buy them from the store, but you, my friend, are a beast, and you are making your own, in the same cast iron skillet, with the same oil from when you roasted the garlic. They will be wonderful, and unless you are my father, who is on a low sodium diet and would love to tell you about it, you can add salt.

6. After your soup gets done simmering, season with a teaspoon or two of salt (though, if you are Fife Whiteside, you won’t add any. Sorry dad).

7. Just before you serve, bring the soup to a boil, throw in your chips, and boil for about 3 or so minutes.

8. Serve with queso fresco or monteray jack, sour cream if you’re a fatty like me, cilantro, and, if you are still working on last week’s rotisserie chicken, that too.